Can I legally marry my nephew?
Apparently, the above question is among those frequently asked of the folks at The Duval County (Florida) Clerk of the Circuit and County Courts.
This was brought to my attention earlier this evening when I got a phone call from Jay K., who will be officiating at our wedding. Jay is a family friend who is sort of like an honorary cousin, in that he's the son of one my dad's best friends. He stepped into the role of marrying us when he volunteered to do so, perhaps after one too many wine spritzers, at our engagement party in Jacksonville. In Florida, anybody who's a Notary Public can perform a wedding, which saves a lot of people from having to get ordained at the Church of the Eternal Internet in order to marry their not-so-religious friends.
Anyway, Jay, who is also an attorney (specializing in something called "Maritime Law", which I think means spends half the day on his boat) calls me earlier this evening. I assumed that he was calling to discuss our as-yet-unwritten/unplanned vows, which may or may not reference fair use of the remote control. Instead, he was calling in a more legal advisory capacity.
"You do know that, in Florida, there's a 3-day waiting period after you get your marriage licence before you can get married?" Jay tells me.
Huh? But, but -- Paul isn't coming into town until late Wednesday night before the wedding, which is on Saturday!
I high-tailed it to the Web site of the Clerk of the County. It would seem that the "waiting period" is, in fact, a Florida law. To my equal dismay, I also learned that, if things don't work out with Paul, I cannot marry my nephew, which was my backup plan. If I had a nephew, anyway. But, on the bright side, I learned that I CAN marry my first cousin. Had I known that sooner, hell, I'd have never left Florida. I got me some good lookin' cousins.
However, I can only marry cousins of the opposite sex. Because if I wanted to marry a cousin of the same sex, well, that would just be weird.
Also, what's with the WAITING PERIOD? It's not like we're buying a semi-automatic rifle! Oh, wait - in Florida, there's NO waiting period to buy a gun. Because that's not dangerous to society. But a rashly-entered-into marriage could, let's face it, destroy entire CITIES.
How deeply farked is this logic: gun-toting cousins can marry each other and then go out back and shoot at the dumpster (which, under the circumstances, seems likely), as long as they're NOT of the same sex. It's important to strictly regulate consentual adult relationships, except, of course, the relationship between a man and his gun. Or a woman and her gun. But in either case, the gun in question must be of the opposite gender.
This was brought to my attention earlier this evening when I got a phone call from Jay K., who will be officiating at our wedding. Jay is a family friend who is sort of like an honorary cousin, in that he's the son of one my dad's best friends. He stepped into the role of marrying us when he volunteered to do so, perhaps after one too many wine spritzers, at our engagement party in Jacksonville. In Florida, anybody who's a Notary Public can perform a wedding, which saves a lot of people from having to get ordained at the Church of the Eternal Internet in order to marry their not-so-religious friends.
Anyway, Jay, who is also an attorney (specializing in something called "Maritime Law", which I think means spends half the day on his boat) calls me earlier this evening. I assumed that he was calling to discuss our as-yet-unwritten/unplanned vows, which may or may not reference fair use of the remote control. Instead, he was calling in a more legal advisory capacity.
"You do know that, in Florida, there's a 3-day waiting period after you get your marriage licence before you can get married?" Jay tells me.
Huh? But, but -- Paul isn't coming into town until late Wednesday night before the wedding, which is on Saturday!
I high-tailed it to the Web site of the Clerk of the County. It would seem that the "waiting period" is, in fact, a Florida law. To my equal dismay, I also learned that, if things don't work out with Paul, I cannot marry my nephew, which was my backup plan. If I had a nephew, anyway. But, on the bright side, I learned that I CAN marry my first cousin. Had I known that sooner, hell, I'd have never left Florida. I got me some good lookin' cousins.
However, I can only marry cousins of the opposite sex. Because if I wanted to marry a cousin of the same sex, well, that would just be weird.
Also, what's with the WAITING PERIOD? It's not like we're buying a semi-automatic rifle! Oh, wait - in Florida, there's NO waiting period to buy a gun. Because that's not dangerous to society. But a rashly-entered-into marriage could, let's face it, destroy entire CITIES.
How deeply farked is this logic: gun-toting cousins can marry each other and then go out back and shoot at the dumpster (which, under the circumstances, seems likely), as long as they're NOT of the same sex. It's important to strictly regulate consentual adult relationships, except, of course, the relationship between a man and his gun. Or a woman and her gun. But in either case, the gun in question must be of the opposite gender.
posted by Marguerite at 9:04 PM
2 Comments:
wow, that is unbelievable! when we got our marriage license, we realized that the one witness we'd brought with us wasn't enough, so we had to grab some poor, unsuspecting guy cashing his retirement check and ask him to sign for us in the parking lot outside the courthouse. thanks again, John P. Grogan, we couldn't have done it without you man.
Thanks, Jen!
As a matter of fact, I posed this same question to the nice gentleman at the Duval County Clerk of Court. Once I verified that the waiting period doesn't apply to out-of-state residents, I asked (what is - no doubt- a FAQ) but, what if my husband-to-be is a Manatee?
Apparently it's okay he's a certified Male Manatee, as established by gun ownership. Marrying a girl manatee, however - that would be WEIRD.
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