Desperately Seeking New Job
Where I work, almost everybody is quitting and/or getting fired (or, "fired off") because nobody seems to get along with the new boss, who arrived in January. I take the Vanna White approach, and just keep my mouth shut and nod and smile. They probably think I don't even speak English. At this point, I'm the only full-time employee left in my department.
If people keep leaving, I'm going to become diabetic. Every day, it's another "goodbye" sheet cake. I'm pretty sure that the blue flowers on sheet cake are made out of roughly the same ingredients as crystal meth.
Here's an excerpt from my conversation with a co-worker at today's going away desert party. I call the following piece: Why I Need A New Job, by Marguerite.
CO-WORKER: I met Sponge Bob this moring. At the bookseller's convention at the Javits Center.
ME: So, is it true? I hear that, in real life, he's a big asshole.
(Silence)
CO-WORKER: Actually, he was very nice. The guy in the costume, that is. Who's not really Sponge Bob.
ME: I hear he's dating Katie Holmes.
(More silence; odd looks)
The End.
If people keep leaving, I'm going to become diabetic. Every day, it's another "goodbye" sheet cake. I'm pretty sure that the blue flowers on sheet cake are made out of roughly the same ingredients as crystal meth.
Here's an excerpt from my conversation with a co-worker at today's going away desert party. I call the following piece: Why I Need A New Job, by Marguerite.
CO-WORKER: I met Sponge Bob this moring. At the bookseller's convention at the Javits Center.
ME: So, is it true? I hear that, in real life, he's a big asshole.
(Silence)
CO-WORKER: Actually, he was very nice. The guy in the costume, that is. Who's not really Sponge Bob.
ME: I hear he's dating Katie Holmes.
(More silence; odd looks)
The End.
posted by Marguerite at 11:39 AM
3 Comments:
Wow, the people at your work have less of a sense of humor than the people at my work. And I work in a corporation. Very stuffy. Did they think you were serious?
aaaahhh! it's simply a travesty that your biting wit is wasted on such obvious losers. i think you should just be that person who, for $500/hr., will jog along beside you in an invisible suit providing quick and jabbing quips to other losers' lame b.s. you could call your services "Marguerite's Mouth", although that sounds terribly corny AND pornographic. ok, so maybe we could work on the name part.
They didn't think I was serious, Jolynn, they just thought I was insane. Which they think anyway because I sometime say things that are "intended for ironic effect" (commonly known as "joking") which nobody gets. Sigh.
Must look into getting an "Invisible Suit," Sheri. Does Nike make those? It'll be like the poor secret service dudes who have to jog behind W.
I'll jog beside you, and call it "running commentary."
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