Last week, while Paul was in California, I sat around the house a lot. This gave me some time to do some deep soul searching and yogic meditation, which to the outside observer might look a lot like watching episodes of Family Guy on DVD.
Fortunately, there were no outside observers.
However, as a result of careful reflection on the current state of my life, I have come to a very important conclusion. I've finally realized what's been missing all this time.
Yes, there comes a time in every young (shut up) woman's life when she must find a gimmick.
It seems like it's the only way to go. I'm sure you've all heard about Kyle MacDonald, the guy who "traded one red paper clip for a house." This is great, and you have to admire his tenacity and what-not, but the way people are going on about it you'd think he was some hybrid of Jesus, Gandhi and Death Cab for Cutie.
Besides, there was a bit of a deus ex machina in the form of the town of Kipling Saskatchewan, in Canada. The town traded him a house (caveat: it's in Kipling Saskatchewan) for a role in a Corbin Bernsen movie called Donna on Demand.
Let's hope this movie isn't what it sounds like, or else the Town of Kipling might have to get a Brazilian bikini wax for the part.
From the Mayor's letter to Kyle MacDonald, offering the house: The day we make the trade will be decreed One Red Paperclip Day by our Town Council and everyone will be encouraged to wear a red paperclip in honor of your achievements.
That, and the town is going to build "the world's largest red paperclip" in his honor. (Good thing he didn't start the whole trading thing with one blow job ...)
Again - Kyle seems like a great guy and all, but you'd think he single-handedly saved the world from an extra-terrestrial invasion, like in one of those movies they play at 3:00 every Saturday afternoon on TNT.
And good thing he didn't, because the "world's largest red paperclip" thing would be pretty hard to explain to someone from another planet.
From a marketing perspective, the whole thing is brilliant. Not only did some random guy with a blog get on 20/20, but , more remarkably he got Corbin Bernsen on 20/20, something I don't see happening any other way at this point, unless he were speeding down the freeway in a white Bronco. More specifically, the words "Corbin Bernsen Movie" were said repeatedly and with a straight face on national television.
Another site/project that recently ended was this one, where a woman in Seattle wore the same home-made brown dress every day for a year to protest consumerism. Or something. The point is, she kept it up it every day for a year. I gotta give her credit. I've never done anything that wasn't an involuntary bodily function every single day for a whole year.
But it's getting to the point where, as a cultre, we are so lacking in tenacity that we're willing to reward anyone who sticks with anything - no matter how bizarre, useless, or even detrimental it may be.
In order to really run with a gimmick, you have to have an attention span that's longer than 8 seconds. Which is where the plan starts to unravel for me personally. I've had a few almost-gimmicks, but none of them ever really took off.
Some years back, I decided to move to Berlin and subsist on little-or-no money. This wasn't to protest consumerism, or to make a statement about the hegemony of Germany's central banking system in European market futures. It wasn't even to protest the Rise of Wal-Mart uber Alles (Die Priese bleiben unten. Immer!), although in retrospect, maybe it should have been. The whole point of living on little-or-no money was because ... that was all I had.
And because a talking Volkswagen in a dream told me to move to Berlin (yes, seriously). Good thing it wasn't a talking Trans Am.
Instead of going to the trouble to make a web site or blog, I just spammed unsuspecting friends and aquaintences with tales of hanging out in Berlin, "not doing any good for anybody," as Paul likes to say about my Paris years. I called the whole thing, "Berlin on $2.56 a Day," but I might have spent as much as $4.76 a day. Except for when my parents came to visit and offered an undisclosed sum for me to return to the U.S., which I refused in a huff. But then I got bored and came back the next month anyway, when the offer had unfortunately expired.
However, the only profit I made off of the whole thing was when my friend Matt sent me $50, undoubtedly because he felt sorry for me, but for which I will always be grateful. I still remember the dozen eggs I bought with the money that very same day.
But, alas, nobody made a giant statue of $2.56 in my honor.
Anyway, I'm now officially in the market for a gimmick. Any ideas?
Fortunately, there were no outside observers.
However, as a result of careful reflection on the current state of my life, I have come to a very important conclusion. I've finally realized what's been missing all this time.
Yes, there comes a time in every young (shut up) woman's life when she must find a gimmick.
It seems like it's the only way to go. I'm sure you've all heard about Kyle MacDonald, the guy who "traded one red paper clip for a house." This is great, and you have to admire his tenacity and what-not, but the way people are going on about it you'd think he was some hybrid of Jesus, Gandhi and Death Cab for Cutie.
Besides, there was a bit of a deus ex machina in the form of the town of Kipling Saskatchewan, in Canada. The town traded him a house (caveat: it's in Kipling Saskatchewan) for a role in a Corbin Bernsen movie called Donna on Demand.
Let's hope this movie isn't what it sounds like, or else the Town of Kipling might have to get a Brazilian bikini wax for the part.
From the Mayor's letter to Kyle MacDonald, offering the house: The day we make the trade will be decreed One Red Paperclip Day by our Town Council and everyone will be encouraged to wear a red paperclip in honor of your achievements.
That, and the town is going to build "the world's largest red paperclip" in his honor. (Good thing he didn't start the whole trading thing with one blow job ...)
Again - Kyle seems like a great guy and all, but you'd think he single-handedly saved the world from an extra-terrestrial invasion, like in one of those movies they play at 3:00 every Saturday afternoon on TNT.
And good thing he didn't, because the "world's largest red paperclip" thing would be pretty hard to explain to someone from another planet.
From a marketing perspective, the whole thing is brilliant. Not only did some random guy with a blog get on 20/20, but , more remarkably he got Corbin Bernsen on 20/20, something I don't see happening any other way at this point, unless he were speeding down the freeway in a white Bronco. More specifically, the words "Corbin Bernsen Movie" were said repeatedly and with a straight face on national television.
Another site/project that recently ended was this one, where a woman in Seattle wore the same home-made brown dress every day for a year to protest consumerism. Or something. The point is, she kept it up it every day for a year. I gotta give her credit. I've never done anything that wasn't an involuntary bodily function every single day for a whole year.
But it's getting to the point where, as a cultre, we are so lacking in tenacity that we're willing to reward anyone who sticks with anything - no matter how bizarre, useless, or even detrimental it may be.
In order to really run with a gimmick, you have to have an attention span that's longer than 8 seconds. Which is where the plan starts to unravel for me personally. I've had a few almost-gimmicks, but none of them ever really took off.
Some years back, I decided to move to Berlin and subsist on little-or-no money. This wasn't to protest consumerism, or to make a statement about the hegemony of Germany's central banking system in European market futures. It wasn't even to protest the Rise of Wal-Mart uber Alles (Die Priese bleiben unten. Immer!), although in retrospect, maybe it should have been. The whole point of living on little-or-no money was because ... that was all I had.
And because a talking Volkswagen in a dream told me to move to Berlin (yes, seriously). Good thing it wasn't a talking Trans Am.
Instead of going to the trouble to make a web site or blog, I just spammed unsuspecting friends and aquaintences with tales of hanging out in Berlin, "not doing any good for anybody," as Paul likes to say about my Paris years. I called the whole thing, "Berlin on $2.56 a Day," but I might have spent as much as $4.76 a day. Except for when my parents came to visit and offered an undisclosed sum for me to return to the U.S., which I refused in a huff. But then I got bored and came back the next month anyway, when the offer had unfortunately expired.
However, the only profit I made off of the whole thing was when my friend Matt sent me $50, undoubtedly because he felt sorry for me, but for which I will always be grateful. I still remember the dozen eggs I bought with the money that very same day.
But, alas, nobody made a giant statue of $2.56 in my honor.
Anyway, I'm now officially in the market for a gimmick. Any ideas?
posted by Marguerite at 12:41 PM
4 Comments:
No, but I'm not in support of any one who wears a home made brown dress for a year. That is just wrong on so many levels. Why do people want to protest consumerism anyway? If I wasn't on a stupid budget I would spend, spend, spend! Then it would at the very least, neutralize their protest. Probably. Maybe that's what you should do. Go shopping in protest of people protesting consumerism. Unless your against that and then I'm out of ideas.
Easy! "Escape from New York" fund. Things you need: Eye patch, paypal account, sleeveless black shirt, black digital watch, ernest borgnine shriners clown picture. Mark the day that your head will explode from the implants and how much $ you need to raise, put up some pictures of you with the eye patch (maybe without the perm) and the sleevless shirt next to the ernest borgnine pictures and watch the cash roll in!
In my dream Rutger Haur, the singing Nazi, told me to go to Poland. So I did. Talking Volkswagens have nothing on Rutger Haur in fishnets and glittering SS insignia.
Wow, and all this time I didn't even realize I had a gimmick: protesting anti-consumerism. Thanks, Jolynn. Unfortunately, I've been a little too devoted, and now all my credit cards are at their limit. Anyone wanna send me money to continue the valiant struggle ("the Last Struggle," perhaps, to ironically borrow from The Internationale).
Escape from NY fund. Not a bad idea, Chris. Especially since I'm gonna need a boob job if we end up moving to Southern California (required by zoning regulations).
And Mollie, I'll see you a singing Nazi and raise you a dancing midget (exotic dancer?), who once suggested that we move to L.A. during a visit to the Hustler store. Only NOT in a dream (those of you who know Bridget know I'm not making this up).
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