My Parasites & Me
I think I’ve found a way to get my HMO cover the cost of the impractical pink lamé shoes I bought the other day. You see, I’ve just found out that this purchase, like so many others, might be related to a colony of fun-loving parasites living in my brain.
Recently, several articles have appeared in various publications about T-gondii, microscopic parasites that inhabit the brains of about half the people in this country. At first I said EEeeeeeew!, but then I read the symptoms ...
T gondii is the parasite that causes Toxoplasmosis, which I thought was perhaps what causes infected men to run out and buy a plasma TV. In a bizarre twist, that's not far from the truth.
Most people who have toxoplasmosis, it seems, have few - if any - noticable symptoms. However, some scientists have observed distinct patterns of personality traits among those who are infected with the parasites, which seem to affect men and women rather differently. According to some researchers, these parasites make women want to go shopping, and make men less likely to groom themselves.
For instance, Professor Jaroslav Flegr of Charles University in Prague has discovered some evidence that infection by intracellular protozoan parasite toxoplasma gondii (T. gondii)can actually alter the personalities of those infected. He found the women infected with toxoplasma spent more money on clothes and were consistently rated as more attractive. “We found they were more easy-going, more warm-hearted, had more friends and cared more about how they looked,” he said. “However, they were also less trustworthy and had more relationships with men.”
On the other hand, infected men tended to pay less attention to their personal grooming habits, and more quick to fight. They were also more jealous than other men. “They tended to dislike following rules,” Flegr said in one interview.
Lemme get this straight ...
They make women like to shop, wear makeup, and have sex with lots of different men. And it causes men -- the same men who can easily fashion a working computer out of a coffee pot, a Furbee and a digital watch (really - this can be done)-- to be utterly flummoxed by the concept of using an iron. And makes them physiologially incapable of asking for directions.
In other words, they've finally discovered the cause of heterosexuality.
The funny thing about this virus is that it starts in rats, causing them to have an inexplicable attraction to cats. The rats loose the instinct to fear cats, so the cats eat the rats, which are a Trojan Horse, getting the intracellular protazoa into the host they really wanted all along (the cats, not ancient Troy). The effects on humans are totally secondary, but somewhat similar - after all, human brains and rat brains -- according to people who, unlike me, did not cheat their way through AP Biology -- are structurally rather similar, as demonstrated in studies conducted on current White House cabinet members.
Women infected with T Gondii, in particular, seem to be more fearless. Not only are they not afraid of rats, they actually date them. But a girl can't help it.
They say that 50% of the population in the U.S., and closer to 80% in France (buht of corze!) and Germany are infected. Are we heading towards a future full of promiscuous, well-dressed women living alongside poorly groomed men with a jealous streak? And if this is true, how will we tell???
Will our bad behavior be excused with doctor's note?
"Honey, it wasn’t me – I didn’t want to buy all those clothes at Bergdorf's, but I had to have something to wear for when I went to that hotel to meet all your friends to make that video that's been going around the internet. It's not like a wanted to, but my parasites, you know how randy they get after I go shopping ..."
Recently, several articles have appeared in various publications about T-gondii, microscopic parasites that inhabit the brains of about half the people in this country. At first I said EEeeeeeew!, but then I read the symptoms ...
T gondii is the parasite that causes Toxoplasmosis, which I thought was perhaps what causes infected men to run out and buy a plasma TV. In a bizarre twist, that's not far from the truth.
Most people who have toxoplasmosis, it seems, have few - if any - noticable symptoms. However, some scientists have observed distinct patterns of personality traits among those who are infected with the parasites, which seem to affect men and women rather differently. According to some researchers, these parasites make women want to go shopping, and make men less likely to groom themselves.
For instance, Professor Jaroslav Flegr of Charles University in Prague has discovered some evidence that infection by intracellular protozoan parasite toxoplasma gondii (T. gondii)can actually alter the personalities of those infected. He found the women infected with toxoplasma spent more money on clothes and were consistently rated as more attractive. “We found they were more easy-going, more warm-hearted, had more friends and cared more about how they looked,” he said. “However, they were also less trustworthy and had more relationships with men.”
On the other hand, infected men tended to pay less attention to their personal grooming habits, and more quick to fight. They were also more jealous than other men. “They tended to dislike following rules,” Flegr said in one interview.
Lemme get this straight ...
They make women like to shop, wear makeup, and have sex with lots of different men. And it causes men -- the same men who can easily fashion a working computer out of a coffee pot, a Furbee and a digital watch (really - this can be done)-- to be utterly flummoxed by the concept of using an iron. And makes them physiologially incapable of asking for directions.
In other words, they've finally discovered the cause of heterosexuality.
The funny thing about this virus is that it starts in rats, causing them to have an inexplicable attraction to cats. The rats loose the instinct to fear cats, so the cats eat the rats, which are a Trojan Horse, getting the intracellular protazoa into the host they really wanted all along (the cats, not ancient Troy). The effects on humans are totally secondary, but somewhat similar - after all, human brains and rat brains -- according to people who, unlike me, did not cheat their way through AP Biology -- are structurally rather similar, as demonstrated in studies conducted on current White House cabinet members.
Women infected with T Gondii, in particular, seem to be more fearless. Not only are they not afraid of rats, they actually date them. But a girl can't help it.
They say that 50% of the population in the U.S., and closer to 80% in France (buht of corze!) and Germany are infected. Are we heading towards a future full of promiscuous, well-dressed women living alongside poorly groomed men with a jealous streak? And if this is true, how will we tell???
Will our bad behavior be excused with doctor's note?
"Honey, it wasn’t me – I didn’t want to buy all those clothes at Bergdorf's, but I had to have something to wear for when I went to that hotel to meet all your friends to make that video that's been going around the internet. It's not like a wanted to, but my parasites, you know how randy they get after I go shopping ..."
posted by Marguerite at 10:01 AM
2 Comments:
Alright, that is too weird. Funny though. I don't even have a cat and I want to shop all the time.
I had T-gondii, but my urologist gave me some pills that fixed me up in a jiffy.
My idea of good grooming is piddling around in the sink a little on Saturday nights, and many of my male friends agree with me. The only thing is we never sit or stand too close to each other.
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