LEFT: San Simeon elephant seals

ABOVE: Me after Thanksgiving dinner.



We're back from Thanksgiving in California. My folks came out to San Luis Obispo, where Paul's folks are. It was even more fun than movies like "Meet the Fokkers" (with all its uncanny parallels) would suggest.

Actually, everything went really well. We went to see the elephant seals and Hearst Castle and went on a wine tour. It was kind of like the movie Sideways, except with a totally different script, and different actors, and with no apparent story arc, which is a good thing; family trips that involve a Very Valuable Lesson are definately to be avoided.

Getting to and from SLO, alas, requires a tour of America's Most Boring Regional Airports, brought to you by America's Worst Airline(TM), US Air. This "discount" airline, which features DIY re-routing for the hands-on traveler, is unfortunately one of the few airlines that goes into SLO.

I won't even go into the details, but our picaresque adventure took us to Laguardia, Pittsburgh, Phoenix, SLO, Vegas, Charlotte, and back to Laguardia. We got stuck in Pittsburgh, and were almost rerouted through Chicago to Philadelphia to perhaps the International Space Station and back to SLO.

This might have happened if we hadn't alerted the ticketing agent that there were not in fact going to Saint Louis, home of the Cardinals, but in fact San Luis, which is in California and is NOT the home of the Cardinals (as it says on the license plates).

Below is a rough transcript (no joke) of our on-board conversation with the USAir ticketing agent:

Hi. We're on the tarmac in Laguardia, and it looks like going to miss our connection in Pittsburg. We need to be re-routed to San Luis Obispo, in California.

(the sound of tapping on a keyboard)

You're in luck! We can get you on a flight to Chicago, and then from Philadelphia straight on into Saint Louis!

Not Saint Louis. San Luis. It's pronounced differently, because, uh, it's an entirely different city.

Okay, let's see here ... If we sent you through Houston, we can get into Saint Louis with just one connection..

San Luis Obis -

Or, we can route you through Chicago, back to Pittsburgh, and then on to St. Louis.

But ... we're going to California.

Sorry, I'm afraid Saint Louis is in (more keyboard tapping) ... Missouri?

Granted. But we don't know anyone in Missouri.

Then why did you buy a ticket to Saint Louis?

SAN Luis. Obispo. It's in California.

Our records are indicating that it's in Missouri.

Let's start over....

Oh .,.. I see what you're saying! Give me a minute (10 minutes of commercials for the new USAir Visa! so you can have your money managed by people who think Saint Louis is in California). Here we go - it's all sorted out. (sigh of relief) We can take you through Laguardia to get to Saint Louis even faster!

But .... we're going to California.

But that's not where Saint Louis is.

Which is why we don't want to go there.

But we can't change your end destination, just the routing.


That was supposed to shut us up, which it did. We called back and talked to someone else, who told us to talk to someone at the gate, who in turn told us to call reservations. But 24 hours later, we did arrive in California. Next time, I hope they route us through Hong Kong. I've always wanted to see China, and I'm pretty sure it would be a lot quicker.