Watching T.V. ... On Ice!
For once, I'm really sticking to my New Year's resolutions. It's been three weeks now, and so far, so good with the goal of watching more T.V.
Today, for instance, we watched "Fashion on Ice," coming to you live from the world fashion (and figure skating) capital, Trenton, New Jersey.
Now, I love figure skating fashions (who doesn't?), but the whole concept of Fashion on Ice seemed a little half-baked. Undoubtedly "Top Chef ... On Ice!" was their first choice, but the combination of knives, ovens and ice skates make the NBC legal department a bit nervous.
Sometimes it just seems like the networks are grasping at straws. The thing is, people had to have meetings about this idea. Lots of them. We can imagine the scene--undoubtedly very late at night-- in an executive suite at NBC:
"Okay, so, people love figure skating. And what else do they love? Peanut butter. Why not have a show that combines ..."
Somebody hits a gong, and the unsuspecting exec's chair falls out from under him, as he is thrust into a cavernous pit and ravaged by crocodiles.
The next exec steps up to the plate.
"What were the top-rated Sunday afternoon programs last year?" (cues PowerPoint) "The Figure Skating Championships and (advances PowerPoint to next bullet point) the Westminster Dog Show. So we ran it by some focus groups and came up with (cues PowerPoint again) Westminster ... on Ice! See, figure skaters take the place of the dog trainers, and instead of running around the ring, they ..."
(Splash; sound of crocodiles ripping through human flesh)
By the time someone got around to pitching "Fashion on Ice," the crocodiles were sleeping off the indigestion.
We tuned in halfway through, but I think the concept was that the figure skaters were modeling fashions that were designed especially for them. So that you, at home, can know what's hot in sequined unitards this season.
Poor Chris Issac and his band was out on the ice, performing live, while undoubtedly cursing his agent and/or whatever bookie he owes money to.
In between sets, the announcer - a former male figure-skater (well, still male, but a former skater, anyway) asked, "So, Chris, you've played to audiences all over the world, how does it feel to perform to people doing a triple sow cow and a triple axel to your music?"
It was one of those questions that's not supposed to be ironic and/or insulting, and yet ...
There was an ever-so-brief moment before he opened his mouth to answer; when he was clearly thinking about saying, "Yeah, this experience has taught me that I really need to take cut back on the drug use," or "being here today, Michael, I've become inspired to diversify my investment portfolio so to ensure that my name will never, ever be mentioned in the same sentence as "triple sow cow."
The show also had a lot of weird segues. At one point, the scene cut to one the skaters and her husband, wearing an apron featuring the not-even-subtle product placement of the sponsors, McCormick spices. "After a long day on the ice," the skater says, "I like to come home and eat some pulled pork." (Who doesn't?) Gesturing to her husband, "He's from Birmingham, Alabama, so he loves pulled pork." (NOTE: I don't rembember the exact words, except for "pulled pork." Which I am not making up.) Then he says, "So we use McCormick Pulled Pork seasoning."
They both smile awkwardly at the camera, then at each other. It was pretty uncomfortable for everyone involved.
Today, for instance, we watched "Fashion on Ice," coming to you live from the world fashion (and figure skating) capital, Trenton, New Jersey.
Now, I love figure skating fashions (who doesn't?), but the whole concept of Fashion on Ice seemed a little half-baked. Undoubtedly "Top Chef ... On Ice!" was their first choice, but the combination of knives, ovens and ice skates make the NBC legal department a bit nervous.
Sometimes it just seems like the networks are grasping at straws. The thing is, people had to have meetings about this idea. Lots of them. We can imagine the scene--undoubtedly very late at night-- in an executive suite at NBC:
"Okay, so, people love figure skating. And what else do they love? Peanut butter. Why not have a show that combines ..."
Somebody hits a gong, and the unsuspecting exec's chair falls out from under him, as he is thrust into a cavernous pit and ravaged by crocodiles.
The next exec steps up to the plate.
"What were the top-rated Sunday afternoon programs last year?" (cues PowerPoint) "The Figure Skating Championships and (advances PowerPoint to next bullet point) the Westminster Dog Show. So we ran it by some focus groups and came up with (cues PowerPoint again) Westminster ... on Ice! See, figure skaters take the place of the dog trainers, and instead of running around the ring, they ..."
(Splash; sound of crocodiles ripping through human flesh)
By the time someone got around to pitching "Fashion on Ice," the crocodiles were sleeping off the indigestion.
We tuned in halfway through, but I think the concept was that the figure skaters were modeling fashions that were designed especially for them. So that you, at home, can know what's hot in sequined unitards this season.
Poor Chris Issac and his band was out on the ice, performing live, while undoubtedly cursing his agent and/or whatever bookie he owes money to.
In between sets, the announcer - a former male figure-skater (well, still male, but a former skater, anyway) asked, "So, Chris, you've played to audiences all over the world, how does it feel to perform to people doing a triple sow cow and a triple axel to your music?"
It was one of those questions that's not supposed to be ironic and/or insulting, and yet ...
There was an ever-so-brief moment before he opened his mouth to answer; when he was clearly thinking about saying, "Yeah, this experience has taught me that I really need to take cut back on the drug use," or "being here today, Michael, I've become inspired to diversify my investment portfolio so to ensure that my name will never, ever be mentioned in the same sentence as "triple sow cow."
The show also had a lot of weird segues. At one point, the scene cut to one the skaters and her husband, wearing an apron featuring the not-even-subtle product placement of the sponsors, McCormick spices. "After a long day on the ice," the skater says, "I like to come home and eat some pulled pork." (Who doesn't?) Gesturing to her husband, "He's from Birmingham, Alabama, so he loves pulled pork." (NOTE: I don't rembember the exact words, except for "pulled pork." Which I am not making up.) Then he says, "So we use McCormick Pulled Pork seasoning."
They both smile awkwardly at the camera, then at each other. It was pretty uncomfortable for everyone involved.
posted by Marguerite at 3:43 PM
2 Comments:
Oh, wonderful. I can see a great year ahead for you. And, I've gotta admit, I'm looking forward to more television-watching -resolution-based commentary like this. First, it's freakin' funny and, second, since I don't have a television anymore, I love living vicariously through those talented enough to summarize shows and make them more entertaining than they were the first time. And you even include commercials. I may become a stalker. Don't mind me.
Yeah, I'm aiming high with the TV- watching agenda ... I used to be like you; I lived without a TV for 7 years. I thought it would make me more "focused" and "disciplined" (it didnt'). In theory, I'm still horribly opposed to T.V. (in practice, tho, it's pretty sweet).
And stalking = very welcome here! That way I don't feel like I'm talking to myself, which creates a pleasant illusion of sanity ...
Post a Comment
<< Home